Kin(d)ship

21st December, 2010 - Posted by Elaine Alpert - 2 Comments

Dear Jessica and All,

The words from the mutual friend that you refer to in Jan’s post (below) also struck me: “I’m not sure what Life is calling for at this point.”

Jessica, know that I am thinking of you. Sometimes the challenges are coming to us so fast, full of upheaval. When you wrote to Being Seen of your recent cancer diagnosis, I decided to add here, in part, my response to our friend:

…I can hear the disillusionment about what it seemed the move across the country had promised, versus the disappointing Reality… This humanity thing! I am sorry it has landed where it has because of the pain attached. At the same time I am extremely curious about what Life is up to.

As I write this, I am acutely aware that I have been in my own struggles with something Brad wrote to the More To Life trainers shortly after a huge loss in my life….“even in this, G-o-d will not be mocked.”No wasted energy in the Universe, I think is what he meant. It’s bigger than we are.

I’ve been living with a similar kind of low grade depression off and on the last couple of months, too, trying to get “where is my life going?” Last night I realized that I had fallen into finding my answers ‘out there’ once more. That my ‘ok-ness/ happiness’ was defined by what I do or don’t do and the state of my relationships with other people.  I am reading the January issue of Shambala Sun which contains this reminder in spades.

I can also read my resistance between the lines — resistance to letting myself know that this time in my life is simply a ‘one more time’ –rather than a “good god why do I have to be in this place right now??”  I have been believing the really challenging life events should back off and I should have equilibrium in my life after all I’ve done and experienced!

So, the unfairness of life, that’s my victim stuff coming through one more time. This I can do something about. It became ever more clear when I worked out last night in the gym, getting my foothold above the line…

What IS Life calling for? For me, what I continue to see is that we can take time to remember what is true and real about our circumstances. We can set straight the catastrophic thinking of the mind, even in the most challenging of situations.

There is a simple and powerful breathing meditation called Tonglen, taught for years by Pema Chodron, author of When Things Fall Apart. Do you know it? We can use it for particularly painful times–for any form of dissatisfaction. For example, in my current circumstances living with a sizable dose of teenage drama in the house,  I take a deep breath with eyes closed, saying internally, “I breathe in for all mothers everywhere, who are also grappling with their teenage boys, just like me”…and then, breathing out….“I send you love and compassion…”

Several healing breaths later and I know, “Other people feel this too. We are in this together.”

Elaine: Elaine Alpert